Let me share with you a little something that I think we all struggle with all too often: I HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE MY DECISIONS! Yes, reread that last sentence again. I choose to make positive choices, others choose self-destruction. I choose to tell the truth, while others choose to deceive. I choose to slow down and watch a beautiful sunset, others choose to lose themselves in the daily grind. Life is ALWAYS about the choices YOU make. This is THE only choice you DO have CONTROL over.
I often CHOOSE to take on the role of "caregiver, problem-solver, free therapist" etc. I choose to expend my energy by helping others--and sometimes, others don't choose to respond with empathy, gratitude or integrity. Believe me, I am certainly not claiming to be a saint, since often the first response that runs through my mind when someone disappoints me or hurts me is usually somewhere along the lines of, WOW:
We are keeping it real here, ok? We get hurt because we choose to invest the power in something or someone else. We hand over our self-loyalty and let something or someone choose FOR us. Best realization I've learned over the years--CHOOSE YOURSELF!
Whether you're choosing to fulfill an addiction to an image, drugs, alcohol, food, love, worry, friends, money, or shiney things means YOU are NOT choosing--you are letting other things choose FOR you. Stop! CHOOSE YOURSELF!
Perfect learned experience: I once had a mentor. A good mentor. One day I shared that as a young motivated professional, my goal was to be a leader AND obtain a master's degree in 5 years. Thinking this would be a good CHOICE, I was greeted with hostility and a barage of overwhelming negativity from someone I deemed as admirable. Stunned, crushed, and manipulated. It would have been easy to believe this mentor's choice FOR ME. But after reevaluating the situation, I realized this IS MY CHOICE. So, I moved on, found a better fit and am happy to say I am taking the steps towards civic-engagement AND a higher education. Boo-ya!*
Another learned experience: One of my best friends in college was diagnosed with a devestating mental illness.** He was suddenly deeply misunderstood by our friends and became more withdrawn as his health deteriorated. (Again, I'm not a savior here, nor a doctor, but I did grow up with a Dad as a therapist so I had a better knowledge of the disease as opposed to fear and judgment some people expressed towards him). In June 2010, my dear friend unforunately chose to take his own life. Tragic. Heart-breaking. Preventable. Upon hearing the news, I organized a get-together of friends. His favorite college pasttime was "Sunday Night Family Dinners" where a group of good friends got together, cooked a potluck and watched HBO. Deeming it as my own way to grieve, and feeling this is the way he'd surely want me to remember him in a positive light, as opposed to going to his funeral and remembering him as sick, some other people felt the need to express their discontent with MY choice. Please note while experiencing deep grief: the choice to grieve in your own way--is a PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE CHOICE. Rumors spread that someone said I was a "bad friend" and of all people was expected to and should have attended the funeral. Really? Are we in 5th grade here? We all feel terrible enough losing a loved one, and here you go put on your judgey-pants pointing the finger. How is this helping? Wooo-weee.
It's not easy! It took me several months to "hug those haters," coupled with multiple panic attacks and some serious soul-searching, and awesome supportive family to finally get back on my feet. I struggled with this alarming and inaccurate characterization of me, compounded with the loss of a dear friend. Here's what I learned. I CHOOSE my own way to honor the life of a loved one. I CHOOSE my own integrity. I can NOT choose how others portray me. Besides, I know he's still got my back and is smiling down on me :)
 |
Look at that contagious smile!!! :)
|
We can not CHOOSE the family we are born into, whether or not we have a disease, who lives and who doesn't. So my CLE readers, I choose you-- to share, to develop, to grow, to write and to express. Thanks for choosing me too! A positive attitude IS a choice that you have control of! How you respond to life's unexpected events IS a choice. How will YOU choose to live your life? Choose wisely today, CLE! You ARE good enough! Love you and keep JAMmin!
*(Later on, I found out this person reacted in such a manner, not because I could NOT do it, or wasn't capable, or qualified but because I COULD do it, and this person--did NOT obtain a bachelor's degree. Is there anything wrong with that life choice? Absolutely not. I know several brilliant people without a college degree--but the CHOICE to attempt to destroy another person's dreams because you did not achieve your own IS a BAD choice. I choose to invest in myself, my career and my education. I choose MY future.)
**Mental illness is NOT a choice. How you cope with it is. If you or someone you know needs help--you are NOT alone. Please--choose to talk to an experienced professional, click here to find out how to get help TODAY. Or learn how to donate to the Dominique Fischer Memorial Foundation.
